how to start a story

OK, watch.

I’m going to show you a few sentences. You’re going to observe the differences.

There’s an obvious (to me) error that keeps cropping up the work of my clients, my students, and my friends. Considering how simple the fix is, it feels criminal not to address it.

Now then. 

The first sentence:

“I sat still in the chair. This was taking longer than I thought. I wondered how much longer it would last.”

Got it?

Digested?

OK, here’s the second sentence.

“Two weeks ago, I was sitting still in a chair. This was taking longer than I thought. I wondered how much longer it would last.“

I’ve added an adverb phrase. Nothing more. A temporal description: “Two weeks ago.”

Already, this improves the sentence.

Of the billion or so attempts at stories posted online every day, 99% of them would be better with a phrase like this. (That “99%”  is not a nonsense figure to grab your attention. I REALLY DO think that AT LEAST 99% of story attempts fail at this) 

Now then. 

With three words, you’ve grounded your story in reality. Plus, you’ve added a pinch of intrigue. (Why would you tell us about an event that happened in the past unless it is relevant today?)

I said this sentence was improved. It’s not yet “good.” 

What else can we do? 

“Two weeks ago, I was sitting still in a hospital chair. This was taking longer than I thought. I wondered how much longer it would last.“

I’ve added one adjective. Nothing more. A description: “hospital.” 

In total, we’ve added four words to this sloppy sentence. 

Yet the initial sentence is floating in space, an unrelatable non-event, and the latest sentence is clearly the beginning of a very real story. 

We’ve added a time. We’ve added a place. 

This is not hard. 

Because it’s not hard, many people skip over it. Instead, they vomit out purple prose (illuminating us with thrilling details concerning the color of the chair, the texture of the arm rest, the feel of the butt pad, the wood used to make the legs) or they blaze past the story altogether (eliminating the drama and robbing us of any emotional punch the story’s moral might provide).

You may think this is amateur stuff. Surely “real writers” would do it better.

And I would ask you — what “real writer” are you referring to?

George Orwell maybe?…

It was a bright cold day in April (time), and the clocks were striking thirteen. Winston Smith, his chin nuzzled into his breast in an effort to escape the bend, slipped quickly through the glass doors of Victory Mansions (place)… — 1984

Oh I know! Maybe JK Rowling…

“Not for the first time, an argument had broken out over breakfast (time) at number four, Privet Drive (place).” — Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

Hmph. What about Neil Gaiman…?

“It was a nice day (time). All the days had been nice. There had been rather more than seven of them so far, and rain hadn’t been invented yet. But clouds massing east of Eden (place) suggested the first thunderstorm was on its way…” — Good Omens

Gosh! Surely Jane Austen…

“About thirty years ago (time) Miss Maria Ward, of Huntingdon, with only seven thousand pounds, had the good luck to captivate Sir Thomas Bertram, of Mansfield Park, in the county of Northampton (place), and to be thereby raised to the rank of a baronet’s lady, with all the comforts and consequences of an handsome house and large income.” — Mansfield Park

Gulp. Hemingway…?

“It was now lunch time (time) and they were all sitting under the double green fly (place) of the dining tent pretending that nothing had happened.” — The Short Happy Life of Francis Macomber

Speaking of Hemingway, I’m now compelled to give advice he would have backed.

Just tell the damn story.

Tell it sentence by sentence.

Don’t be cute. Don’t be clever. Tell us when the story takes place. Tell us where the story takes place. Then us tell the story.

Obviously you could make this topic more complex. 

But why bother?

---

P.S. I’d make at least one more edit to our practice sentence. Comment below and tell me what you think it is.

Reminder of the sentence:

“Two weeks ago, I was sitting still in a hospital chair. This was taking longer than I thought. I wondered how much longer it would last.”

---

What Makes Great Writing? is a publication specifically for people who want to improve their writing.

It is NOT for people who want to

• “hack” the process,

• replace themselves with AI,

• find “super quick tips.”

If you’re in the first group, subscribe. If you’re in the second, begone foul beast.